Freedom Has Constraints

I know it has been a minute since I wrote in my blog. Sometimes life just seems to take you in different directions and life’s priorities change. I have gotten to a point in my life where I feel like I seem to burden myself with activities that take me away from other priorities that I’ve been neglecting. When I do this I tend to put added pressure on myself to still try to squeeze everything in and I stop enjoying doing it. So, I took a break to reprioritize, so that I could have a clearer mind and not feel the pressures that I put upon myself.

Today, as always on a Sunday, I was listening at church and had an Ah Hah moment while enjoying a wonderful message by Pastor Jonathan. I’ve always had his idea that freedom is found in being able to do what I want to do. If I don’t have rules, life is funner, right? Many times this false idea has consequences. A prime example is that at a certain point in my life, I had gotten tired of being on a diet and being told what I could eat and what I can’t, so I convinced myself that I can eat what I want and that no one or a dietician is going to dictate what I do. So you can guess the outcome, I actually was more miserable with that kind of freedom and I always would manage to put on more weight that I had originally lost. I could go through a whole list of example of life events where I used this concept in many areas and the results would end with the same conclusion. Unrestrained freedom is not effective, in fact, it is destructive to whatever it is I was trying to accomplish or do.

Freedom does have rules and for me, I have to have discipline in order to actually feel free. Reckless freedom is only fun for the moment you are engaging in that recklessness, but then the consequences of your unrestrained freedom will eventually reveal itself. Again, I’ll use my weight as an example of constrained freedom. In order to not be a slave to my weight, which in turn eventually caused me an array of health issues, I had to put boundaries and actually follow rules to accomplish my ultimate goal of not being a slave to fat. By following these methods, I have felt the freedom and relief of not being imprisoned by the weight that holds me back from enjoying a quality life. Without my weight I am able to be more active, I don’t get tired and I feel good about my self image. I am able to keep up with the active lives of my children and grandchildren. I don’t get frustrated by not being able to feel comfortable in the clothes I outgrew. The results of constraints are a win for me.

I’ll share a more personal example of using constraints or lack of in my relationships. Instead of following my initial standards of what an ideal partner in this life looks like, which would be inclusive of someone who was equally yoked in spiritual beliefs and had a similar upbringing as myself, I did not use the standard that I had set for myself and ultimately have a trail of failed relationships. I followed my heart and lusts, rather than using a standard that those who have successful marriages used. Those who are successful have strict boundaries for themselves and have picked partners who share the same boundaries. In the successful marriages who have influenced my life, they aren’t imprisoned by the distrust, jealousies, conflicts, financial struggles against each other, differences in philosophies or opinions, because they took the time to meet someone who shared the same value systems and backgrounds. They got to know each other and set goals together and accomplished them together instead of fighting within their differences. I’m sure they may have experienced conflict when making some decisions, but they compromised because they took the vows of marriage seriously on their wedding day. The successful marriages that I have witnessed in my life not only practiced having constraints, but they exhibited perseverance and endurance that no matter what obstacles were placed before them, they would face them together and not give up on each other. There is a lot of work in order to live in an environment of freedom.

I had always considered myself a free spirit, but you know what, there are many areas in my life where that attitude actually held me back from knowing what true freedom was and that to obtain it I needed to not be such a free spirited person.

Free frivolous spending although fun at obtaining things I couldn’t afford, imprisoned me with debt. True financial freedom is actually having constraints in living within your budget. For years I carried the burden of debt and believe me there is nothing freeing about carrying it around. I remember going on vacations that were stressful, because I was always worrying about money because of my debt. However, now I just go on vacation when I can afford to and the freedom and fun I have now is so much more fulfilling. Also because I don’t have financial debt, I can have a generous hand and bless others rather than always making it about me and my own indulgences. There is true freedom in being able to share with others.

As a prodigal at times in my life journey, I actually became a prisoner of a sinful life without God being my priority. The falsehood of I don’t have to be constrained by the rules of living a Godly life actually made my life more miserable. Many people make the decision to not go to church or believe in God, because they say then they will have to follow rules, etc. and it complicates life and makes it less fun. As someone who has experienced both sides, I can assure you that a life with God as your priority and center for making life decisions is so much more freeing. There is definitely a peace beyond all understanding that you experience as the result of living by foundational spiritual beliefs. Although throughout my life, I have always read the Bible, there was a difference when I finally read and understood what it contained and how to apply it to my life. All the self help books that I have read, could never bring me near to what reading the Bible and understanding it brought and helping me transform into a different thinking person and in turn feeling more freedom that I could ever have thought possible.

So in closing there seems to be two types of freedom — unrestrained freedom and constrained freedom. In my life for me, unrestrained freedom doesn’t work and has consequences. Constrained freedom may seem harder, but in all actuality does make life easier — at least it has for me.