Be Empathetic To Differences & Show Kindness Instead Of Judgement

 So today we are running on one hour less of sleep. For some reason during the night, I kept waking up every hour. I think my subconscious knew that there was going to be a change in the hour and for some reason, my mind was set on seeing the change of time happen. So anyways at 4:10am, I wanted to make sure my clock was in fact in sync with the time change so I wouldn’t miss church. So prior to going to bed I had changed my analog clocks an hour ahead, so I got up to make sure that the 4:10am I was seeing on my phone was in fact the right time, because I didn’t want to miss waking up at 7:30am (iPhone alarm time) to find out I had in fact missed the first service that is live streamed at that time. I’ve always liked first service with Harvest Christian Fellowship, however I do know that if for some reason I don’t make it to the first service they actually offer alternative times as well. I’m glad to say, I woke up 25 minutes prior to my alarm going off and was able to enjoy first service with Pastor Jonathan Laurie. So Happy Daylight Savings Time!!!

For a little over the past year, I have been working on weight loss as I had seen a fluctuation in weight that caused me enough concern to seek medical attention. For the past five years I have been really consistent in making sure I maintain a healthy weight (not skinny) in order to not suffer the consequences of morbid obesity, which at one point in my life had suffered. I was able to lose 50 lbs. by exercise and adjusting my eating habits. However, at one point I had lost close to 70 lbs., which is a goal weight where I feel at my optimum best. So that last 20 lbs. is my challenge. I am happy to say that I’m working my way back down, but now with the assistance of prescribed GLP. I still exercise (not as frequently) and eat much healthier these days. I want to add that my weight loss is a little more challenging because I also have Hashimotos Disease (Thyroid) — sometimes I go more hypothyroid that I like and it causes my weight to fluctuate in the wrong direction. I thank God daily that I have finally found a way to keep my weight at a much healthier level. It’s a struggle that I have battled from my mid 30’s up until my early 60’s. Sure there were times of controlled weight, but I suffered from Yo-yo Syndrome — where I would lose and then gain it back — sometimes more than what I lost. Sometimes the weight fluctuation was reflective of where my life was at mentally — I know at my unhappiest times was when I was the heaviest. The past five years of maintenance was working through those areas of life that triggered my negative and unhealthy thinking. I owe a lot of transformation to finally reflecting on my spiritual health. Because of that, many changes to my life occurred and balance was achieved by ridding myself of those distractions that weren’t positive and actually toxic to me. For me it was achieved through prayer and a lot of God.

It was set upon my heart this week to share with you some observations I have made as my transformation was happening. Sometimes the world and people occupying it can be cruel. It seems that we live in a world now that sometimes has no filters (although when you think of it, they are filtered through social media) and people can do and say things that can be very condescending. We all have our journeys and I can tell you and speak from experience that everyone is imperfect in one way or another. Some of my imperfections are more visible than others. However, the one that has been my standout has been my weight. At one time I weighed 228 lbs. — if you were to ask me how could I have let my little framed body get to such a high level — I could think of many ways it got there, but it was something I hadn’t planned for myself. For the greater part of my life, I was a normal weight and didn’t have to struggle. But during those 25 plus years — I struggled. I struggled not only with my weight, but the lack of confidence it brought along with it. I’ve had people say things to me that I would never in my life say to another person pertaining to their weight. The judgement is harsh at times. 

I don’t know why people think that just because I was overweight that they had the freedom to suggest to me how I could lose my weight. Or they would see me eating and make a comment of should I really be eating that. The irony, some of those making the comments had their own weight struggles. I remember one time in my single times in my life, I had gone out dancing with some friends. It was during a period where my weight was heavier and actually I was working on getting healthier. There was one guy, who was standing at the entryway of the dance floor as a group of us ladies were walking out to line dance and this guy was evaluating each of us as we stepped on to the dance floor — when he got to me, he remarked, “Too fat.” Was I offended? Yes, but I didn’t even entertain his cruel remark and continued on my way. I could have easily told him that I may be fat, but I can lose weight, but you can’t lose ugly looks and heart. — I admit I thought it. I had a mother in law who once remarked to me why I always seemed to be in the front of the line during family gatherings (oh, wait could it be because I was serving my children’s plates), but no, she was aiming her barb at me, like I should be the last one eating. She also one time remarked about if I felt a give in the shower tub upstairs that not to worry I wouldn’t fall through that with heavier people it sometimes did that. I once had a brother in law tell me that he didn’t know how his brother could make love to a 200 lb. woman and could see why he had cheated on me. I guess a cheater can relate to another cheater’s reasoning. I had a boss who made negative comments about my appearance and how I dressed — I was within hearing distance when he was making his cruel remarks about me. When I was pregnant with my first child, I had a girl tell me that I was spreading like margarine. These are just a few comments I could think of that were stand outs — there were many more. It seems that people forget that even though I’m overweight, I still have emotions and many of those comments were very hurtful. I’ve always felt empathy for others who struggle with their weight.

Oh and when you lose weight, there is the other side that I saw where people treat you differently. Suddenly you are asked if you need help lifting bags or items. You become approachable as you are clothes shopping by sales people. (I’ve been told by sales people that they didn’t carry my size in their store, usually accompanied by a sneer and condescending tone — even though I was shopping for my daughter.) For me, sometimes it gets male attention I don’t want. It’s funny that the bigger you are, the more invisible you become and visa versa. 

There are a lot of misconceptions that go with being an overweight person. That somehow you are lazy and don’t care about one’s appearance. Through my own experiences, I can tell you that is entirely false. At least for me, I am hardly lazy and I do take a lot of pride in how I present myself to others. There are psychological issues that enter such a food insecurities as well that happened as a result of growing up poor. There was a period of time where I didn’t like attention I was getting as a thin person, so I purposely thought, “Well if I gain weight, maybe they will leave me alone.” No one has walked in each other’s shoes and people need to be sensitive and aware that it isn’t always as they perceive things to be. They should also be counting their blessings that they have not had to deal with the same struggles of weight.

It took a lot for me to maintain confidence as an obese person. People who know me and take the time to get to know me, see the loving person I am in heart — they feel my positive energy regardless of what my outward appearance may exert. There is a scripture that in our weakness, we grow stronger. Even through my weighty period of life, it did make me a stronger person. It helped me to not judge those individuals who are different in appearance. One thing it taught my own children is that they can love people who are different as well. I noticed my children and even now as adults have judgement blinders on as the result of having a Mom who had weight issues and struggled with it. I love that they judge people by who they are as a person — inside.

As I said before, we all have imperfections and struggle with different things. One of my primary struggles has been my weight. I can tell you that when I see someone that has an obvious difference in appearance from the norm, my spirit actually jumps inside of me, because I empathize and can relate to how they can be treated or mistreated and my heart goes out to them. I often will look them in the eye and recognize their existence and smile and/or if appropriate engage in a conversation with them. Kindness goes a long way.