The Words You Say Matter

This morning I was woken up in the wee hours of the morning and I first prayed and thanked God for another day. I said some prayers for a couple people that I knew needed some comfort today. Then, I started scrolling through Facebook. One of the first things I ran across is this reel of a woman talking to her sister about when she selects her significant other. She was telling her that making a selection wasn’t all about the physical aspect of the person. Her husband was sitting there enjoying his breakfast and minding his own business, when she started to tell her sister how when she selected her husband it was definitely not about his looks. She told her sister that it wasn’t like he was ugly, ugly but that his looks didn’t matter to her. You could see the hurt in his eyes as she continued talking about how she selected her husband. A couple times he tried to interject and tell her that he was sitting right there and hearing her say these mean things about him to her sister. The conversation ended and she hung up the phone. He inquired as to why she told her sister that — then she just started laughing and told him that she was just pranking him, however at the time of the conversation, you could see the hurt in his eyes. I didn’t think it was a funny prank at all, since someone’s emotions got affected. This kind of pranking to me is sadistic and cruel to the person who is on the receiving end of the so called joke.

So because of this it started me thinking about how sometimes we need to be careful of the words that come out of our mouths and think before you start saying something you might regret after. I remember a time when I had a similar incident happened to me as I was sleeping in the back of a car one of my friends from church was driving and my Mom was in the front seat engaging in a conversation that partially woke me up, because I heard what I thought was my name Cindy mentioned. My male church friend was telling her how “Cindy” was always following him around and that she was annoying. Needless to say, my feelings were hurt by the conversation — especially, because my Mom was interjecting back how annoying “Cindy” can be sometimes. For the remainder of our time together at the church even, I didn’t speak to both of them, because I felt betrayal and I didn’t want to be annoying. Finally after some time passed when I was home, I approached my Mom and asked her why my friend and her were taking bad about me and saying that I was an annoying person. My Mom asked me what I was talking about and I told her when we were driving to a church event I heard my name. At that time, she told me that they weren’t talking about me, they were talking about another “Cindy”. I didn’t know that — so you see my point is that when people are gossiping, it can be misinterpreted and hurtful and it was probably best that they hadn’t engaged in that conversation. It was very disappointing whether they were talking about me or the other “Cindy” — their words were very hurtful.

I was thinking that when a person is closest to you and you have admiration for that person, when cruel words are spoken about you that what they say negatively hurts the worst.  It’s crazy that someone’s words can hurt so bad. Those same people who can influence you by instilling encouraging words that mean so much to you and make you feel wonderful can tilt the other way very easily. It’s crazy how the tongue can be such a powerful weapon — as reminded to us consistently in biblical scripture.

I’ve always been the type of person who when I see something about a person that is positive, I make sure that I pay them a compliment about it.  Spreading kindness is so much easier than being cruel to someone. One of my favorite things is when I have a friend who will text me a positive text or scripture in an effort to lifting up my spirits. There is nothing more satisfying than having a friend speak encouragement over you. That’s one of the things I love about having like minded church friends and family — they always have kind things to say.

Along with the words that are said that can make an impact on a person are also the actions taken that go along with it. One of my ex-husbands as a little third grader was told by a teacher that he wasn’t very smart and she picked him up and put him in a trash can. He used to always refer to himself as dumb and I would have to talk him out of his thinking by telling him about the things he had learned in his life and that if he were dumb, he wouldn’t have grasped such complicated topics — also, he had attained an Associates Degree in Culinary Arts later in life and that wasn’t an easy task for him, but he did it. I remember him sharing that story with me when we first met and he was in his late thirties. For someone to have that kind of impact on a person because of her words and actions must have been horrible. At the time of the incident, his mother did go see the district leadership regarding that teacher’s actions, and discipline was made on the teacher, but it didn’t change or take away the words that did impact my husband’s thinking for a long time.

I know there are things that I’ve said to people that I wished I hadn’t said and could take back. Sure you can apologize and they can forgive, but unfortunately it doesn’t erase the memory of the situation. I love that quote that if you can’t find a kind person, be one. I’ve been so blessed to be surrounded by so many kind people in my life. Sure I’ve had plenty of negativism as well, but the words that I try to keep at the forefront of my mind are the positive ones.

I’ve also noticed that even when words aren’t aimed directly at you and if someone has a negative attitude and is complaining about something in their life or they are just having a bad day and are in a bad mood, how their words and emotions can affect the atmosphere in a room. I had a significant other who was always in a chronic bad mood and because he was, he would always ask me why I was in a bad mood — I would tell him that I was fine, but that his implying that I am in a bad mood, when it is him who is moody would soon put me in a bad mood if he didn’t change his attitude. I guess someone who is mad at the world likes company — sometimes he would provoke me and pull me into his gloom and doom. Again, words and actions. The same is true if someone comes into the room and is so full of energy and encouragement how they can brighten your day and put a smile on your face. It’s obvious what my preference of atmosphere I would like to be part of that day.

How you greet people during the day and the words that you say to people are important. Your words can make an impact on someone’s day and possibly depending on the circumstances, someone’s life. I’ve had words spoken to me that changed my life for the better — words were spoken to me about the gospel and I will never forget those words and how they provided me a lifetime of hope.