Love vs. Lust

As I was thinking about my post topic today, I started to hesitate because it is an area that I've struggled with in my life. In fact, I think because I didn't really pay much attention to the difference between lust and love, my inattentiveness and lack of knowledge may have been why many of my relationships didn't work out the way I thought they should or would. So to begin with, let's just define the two words:

Lust:  Having a very strong sexual desire for someone.  It is often selfish, craving for gratification, it can override reason and disrespect others. 

Love:  An intense feeling of deep affection, a great interest and pleasure in something. It is a complex emotion experienced and defined differently by each person, but common themes include a deep affection and care for another, a desire for their well-being, and actions that demonstrate this commitment. Key components often include intimacy, passion, commitment, respect, trust and fondness.

Always as a teenager, I always thought I was in love with some boy. Because I always had a purity rule (due to my Christian beliefs), so the sexual concept didn't even enter into the attraction. I had other issues regarding the sexual aspect as mentioned in previous posts. So my love with boys was always innocent hand holding and kissing. Then when circumstances would take us in different directions, my heart would just break and I'd fall apart for days, until another boy started to like me or convey an interest.

I remember having crushes on my youth leaders (some much older than myself) in church too. I think it is because they were so kind and spoke about Jesus all the time. It's funny how when you are a teenager that you get so emotional as you are working out feelings toward members of the opposite sex. As a youth, I wished I had known that just because someone extends kindness to you, it doesn't mean you have to crush on them. I'm glad I learned how to control that emotion in adulthood as I was able to have male companionship and respect boundaries in my maturity.

Back to the subject of lust -- which now I understand more clearly. As I struggled at times with the emotion of love, but again at times it was very selfish and it didn't matter if I hurt another person just to get who I wanted -- that is definitely not love. To disrespect boundaries for other people involved, that is not okay. Sometimes I wonder if because of my struggles, if that isn't why ultimately I reaped what I sowed and most of my marriages failed because of infidelity on my husband's part. There was one time I stepped over that line as a means for revenge. It was a horrible idea and I felt great remorse after. When I was between marriages and "single" I also stepped over boundaries I was not proud of and glad I pulled back on most of those inappropriate feelings. Love doesn't hurt and it isn't selfish -- if it does, I can assure you that more than likely that feeling is lust.

Love is more of a complex emotion, because you can have different types of love toward different people. The love you have toward God, your parents, your siblings, your husband, your companion, your children, your pets, your friends, your relatives, strangers and even your enemies. The love for your husband gets more complex due to the sexual attraction and intimacy that comes along with that kind of love. That's why I'm not going to touch very much on this particular husband love, because I don't think I ever got it right and my track record speaks for itself on the matter. However, I felt when I did have a husband I stayed within the boundaries of marriage I was expected to stay within and loved them with every inch of my soul -- especially with the last marriage. I also learned that when you are with the wrong mate for the wrong reasons in life, they can physically and mentally bankrupt you as a person -- even financially at times.

A concept I just read about is does this feeling of love or lust come from your mind/heart or your mind/loins? I can see how deceiving or complex love can be, because sometimes we may initially have a physical attraction toward someone and that can lead to honorable love. However, if sex is on the forefront of a relationship and the physical attraction is primary, that probably isn't a relationship you'll want to build on. Also if there is jealousy and possessiveness of another person, that isn't a great sign either.

My favorite love of all is agape love -- unconditional love -- Jesus love. I believe in my heart that the love that God has for us is beyond understanding and measurement. John 3:16 summarizes how true His love is for us.

I look back on my life now and realize the importance of applying the principles of the Bible to my life when I was choosing my lifetime husband in life. There are also verses in the Bible that some people should remain single -- I think back as to that is probably what should have been my choice. However, then I wouldn't have had the amazing children who are four incredible blessings in my life. I tell them that if I had to repeat the same choices I made in my life to guarantee them as my children, I would do it all over again, just to have them. Now that is intense Mama love. The four things I did absolutely right in my life was having them as my children.

Biblically speaking in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 -- Love is patient, kind, and not envious, boastful, or arrogant. It is not rude, self-seeking, or easily angered and it does not keep. a record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth, and it bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things.

Biblical lust is a sinful, intense desire for something, whether it's the wrong thing or an excessive craving for a good thing, that is focused on self-gratification rather than God's will.