Proverbs 31 & Being Virtuous

For many, many years, I never felt that Proverbs 31 pertained to me, because of my numerous divorces. Then one day while attending church, we read through the chapter of Proverbs 31 and then the blinders that caused me to feel unworthy of this chapter were removed from my eyes. I call this method of realization Holy Spirit power.

Initially, the first time I got married, even though the circumstances that I chose to get married were less than what I would think is considered a wise choice of marriage. I had accepted that I had made the choice and I would try to be as good a wife as I possibly could be. Then one month after a few months of being married, I skipped a cycle in my monthly lady stuff. The reaction of my then husband was the worst reaction I had ever encountered by him. He told me, how could you let this happen? I told him how he also had played a part in this event. He did not want to accept responsibility for it and told me that if I came up with a positive pregnancy test that I would need to make an appointment to go to an abortion clinic. I told him I would never abort a baby and if I were pregnant this baby would be born -- with or without his support. I told him he took on the responsibility of knowing that part of joining in intimacy could result in a pregnancy. The hurt and pain I felt during this period was so horrible and such a betrayal. I never took a pregnancy test as I got to being three weeks late, I started having the most horrible cramps I had ever experienced in my life. I believe to this day, I miscarried due to the stress he had put on me -- which was probably for the best as three months later when I got the stomach flu on the day we were to go out for my birthday, he went out with his friends anyways and ended up cheating on me with the woman he would eventually marry after I divorced him. After my divorce, I felt unworthy for any relationship. I felt everything that happened was probably my fault, because I initially did not marry this man for the right reasons. So life moved on.

I would experience two more 7-8 years marriages and divorces. Then a final married relationship that lasted 24 years, but had numerous infidelity issues starting at month 5 of our marriage when he was taking a training class in Texas and I was pregnant with twins. I can't believe I endured this marriage as long as I did, but I didn't want to once again fail at yet another marriage. With each marriage, I did everything I could to be the wife a man would want to remain faithful to, but with the exception of one -- there was always a third person in the marriage. Only once in my fourth marriage, did I step out of my marital boundaries and I regretted ever doing that as revenge. However, because it takes two to tango, I took responsibility for all my marriages failing.

Every time the study of Proverbs 31 came up, I'd look around the room at all the virtuous woman around me who had successful marriages and knew they could easily identify with the virtuous woman mentioned in Proverbs 31, however even though I had asked for forgiveness and been restored -- I could never be considered as virtuous. But Proverbs contains more than just the scriptures pertaining to the wife -- it also talks about the woman who is the provider and what she does for her family and the sacrifices she has made in order to assure stability both financially and with mentoring her children. Well with further reflection, I realized that these other verses were actually describing me. I would have done anything for my family to assure they were provided for and I did. I took any and all jobs I had to in order to provide provision. I also kept a very organized household aside from the shortcomings of my husbands. I was the one that led my family to attend church and to put Christian values into place. I often would be sitting in the pews alone as my children attending their own age appropriate study sessions. My children were very well behaved as they sat with me during church in the main sanctuary -- depending on what church I was attending. One thing I also admitted to my children was when I did not act appropriately as their mother. They also knew that if they came to me with an issue where they were being treated unjustly that I would come to their defense like a roaring lion and make things right for them. My children have grown up into wonderful, kind, generous and thoughtful people -- they have all been successful in achieving much and have reached several monumental goals in providing provision for themselves as well as their family. I have two blossoming college aged boys who will soon be spreading their wings, but what they have achieved so far in their educations is commendable as well. All of them know that as long as I have breath in me, they can always approach me for guidance and assistance if needed.

When I fell short as their mother (I am very fallible.) , I would tell them how sorry I was for not being a role model and acting out of line. Of course, my children would forgive my shortcomings. I was also a mother who kept her promises to my children. I also extended those same loyalties toward my husbands even though for the most part they didn't deserve it. In my heart, I know that Jesus has restored me -- I went through a process that included reflection and bringing all my shortcomings to the front of my mind and asking forgiveness for each one. This process of restoration happened in a Freedom course I took through Our Father's House and continued after and through the year after my husband of 24 years left me and my children to move out of state. I was content with full restoration and forgiveness, but God went beyond the restoration and continued to bless me beyond what I feel I ever deserved in this life.

So I share this with you, because if there is a section of the Bible that you feel doesn't apply to you, because you feel that you are unworthy to receive it -- remember you are unworthy on your own. However, if you have a relationship with Jesus Christ, because of what sacrifice He made on the cross for your transgressions -- the transgressions that put him up on the cross, we have been transformed by the blood he shed -- we are the King of Kings child and because He loves us so much -- through him, we are made worthy to receive every promise He has made to His chosen ones that is written in the Bible.

When you are feeling down about yourself, straighten that crooked crown and remember who your Father is!!