Last Times

I remember I read a poem years ago that had to do with the last times you would do something as your children grew up.  Well today as I was waking up from my old lady nap, there was a beautiful piano piece playing on my google dot and it reminded me of some of the last times. I started reflecting on last times.

As we are raising your children, we are so consumed by doing everything we can for them in order to make sure they have the best of childhoods and great beginnings in life. My first son pretty much set his own milestones because he was advanced and had a mind of his own. I remember at just six months old, he did not want to drink out of a bottle -- he preferred those Tupperware sippy cups. I think the bottle was too time consuming for him. But I do remember as a Mom of a baby, I enjoyed that special time with all my babies as I held them and rocked them as they drank their little bottles. The memories of them gazing up at you with such intense love in their eyes. I always got one on one with all my children, however, with the twins that was more of a challenge, because there were two. I used to do alternate feedings at first, but then had to learn to feed them at the same time, because I had one twin that was always hungry and he would look at me as I fed the other one, like "What about me?" -- that would be James, the one with the Teddy Bear looking face as a baby and he would just melt my heart. So I learned how to prop them both up next to me on each side using pillows in order to have a bottle in each hand to feed them. But like everything, even without realizing it, there came that time when you just handed them their bottle to drink and holding them to feed them became a thing in our past. It just happens without you even realizing it.

Also, I've always kept my children and grandchildren close to me. Always holding on to one of their hands as we walked together anywhere. I always wanted them near me and didn't want them to wander off into danger. But again, there was a time when you held on to their little hands for the last time and they exerted their independence by walking close to your side, but not holding your hand. I remember their words sometimes, they would say, I can walk by myself. Then it became a rule that if they walked without me holding their hands, that they needed to stay at a safe distance and where I could always see them. And without you even realizing it, there was a last time that you always kept them near you like that, because they became independent.

All my kids at some point used to love me to lay next to them and rub their backs until they went to sleep. I feel like I did this for years and then with each child the routine would start again, then one day there was a last time that I laid next to my small child and rubbed their back for the last time. It just happened without even realizing it. Then it became the tucking in at night and checking in on them when you got up for a snack or restroom break. But then even that changed and I did that for a last time.

If only we had a clue to when it would be the last time that you would have their little arms wrap around you -- remember those hugs where they didn't want to let you go? If only we knew the last time that would be happening that you had the opportunity to make it last just a little longer, since it would be the last time it would happen.

Oh and those wet little kisses. Those kisses where they wouldn't let you leave until they planted one on your face. Or when you had to tell them you love them and will be back soon. My children are now grown adults and I know we still have a ritual that when we say our goodbyes, I still kiss them on the cheek. My daughter still likes our lip kisses. I love that we still all kiss each other and hug each other goodbye and sometimes I do take longer than I should with my hugs, because I really enjoy our times together and saying goodbye is hard because of the lapse of time between our visits now. I think I will forever watch them drive off from my house until they are out of sight.

I remember I cried everyday when I realized my twins were in their senior year. I ironed their clothes every day. I knew that the senior year was the transition year and that soon they would be heading off to college and doing their own things for themselves. So being the sentimental that I am, I would shed a tear at thinking that last time would soon be upon me before I knew it. I remember one time when they had a special event to attend in college they asked me to iron their shirt. I was touched. We Mom's are so silly that way. Even making a cup of coffee for my oldest son as he ventures off into the world of work -- when he visits is such a honor to do. That need to be needed by them seems so important at times.

I'm always aware of last times -- I actually think it was because of that poem I read. So even now, when I'm with a person that I really love that I don't see everyday, I will make sure that they know that I love them tremendously. I remember I had a feeling with one of my Aunts that it would be the last time I saw her, so I placed my hands on each side of her face and told her how much I loved her and gave her a big kiss and tight hug. It was, in fact, the last time -- but I have that beautiful memory to reflect back on.

When my son used to come visit me from San Diego every other week as he was attending college, when he would leave I would tell him to give me a hug to last me two weeks until I saw him again. Now because he is a man with his own family now, there was a last two week hug from him. I hug all my scattered children tight now every time I see them.

I remember hugging my older brother for the last time. I remember hugging so many people I have had the opportunity of loving in my life for the last time. I remember hugging and kissing my beloved dachshund Queenie for the last time -- that one tore my soul.

When I move out of a house, I always walk into each room as if to say goodbye to the house that for so many years had been a home, because I will be walking out of the door for the last time and never see its insides that held so many wonderful memories again. I will close the door for the last time.

I think I've made my point today -- as we all have experienced our Last Times of experiencing something that was important to us, but we were not aware it would be our last time to experience it.