Costly Traditions

I remember as I was raising my children, I was the primary wage earner. It was my responsibility to assure that all financial daily living expenses were met. I always made sure all the bills were paid on a timely basis. I will admit, there was a time when I was living in debt -- which is no way to live at all. When you live in debt, you are a slave to stuff you can't afford and it gets exhausting. I won't even begin to explain how getting in debt happened for me, but it happened. Thank God today, for the most part outside of my mortgage and one car payment, I am debt free.

So when the holidays would come around once a year, I dreaded them. The reason is because I had to figure out how to balance out enough extra money in order to be able to participate in the holiday gift exchanges. My BFF explained to me that her rule was, at the time, to buy them something they need or can wear, buy a toy and a book or movie. Then for the full on family get togethers, do a name drawing rather than everyone getting everyone else a gift which could easily add up when you have a larger than four members in a group get together. My BFF and my family used to exchange a goodie platter for Christmas to each other and spend Christmas Eve enjoying a meal together.

Because I was a manager for a school district office with 20 employees, we had a tradition where we would all buy a token gift for each other that was distributed to everyone and then we would have a secret Santa or gift exchange game at our potluck. This was a wonderful way to celebrate the holiday together and keep costs down. I used to do a token gift for my departmental coworkers on other holidays as well.

As life moved on and families started forming, our immediate family Christmas started to get expensive for everyone, so I sat everyone down at a family meeting and told them to concentrate on their immediate families only. I would provide a wonderful meal for us on Christmas Day and I would do stocking stuffers for everyone -- this was when we had two littles (for them we would buy gifts). We actually did this tradition for several years when we lived near each other. Then my littles got bigger -- I ask for Christmas Lists and because financially I was doing better, I could afford to get their lists fulfilled. Then we all moved away from each other and set aside the stocking tradition and started the full on gift exchanges again. I enjoy shipping my gifts out to my family when we aren't together and the excitement of receiving pictures of them opening the gifts. However, as the years progress, Christmas is not what it used to be. It's so commercial now and the values of the gifts are so much now. I don't know how families are doing it these days.

This doesn't only apply to Christmas -- Easter has grown into an expensive holiday as well. Valentine's Day and Halloween Day aren't as expensive as a grandparent, because those are usually plushies, candies and cards. Am I only noticing these traditional expenses because my socio-economic ability has changed? Now for families, now there are themed birthday parties instead of the simple ones that used to exist. Halloween now requires families to dress a like in costumes that have a theme. Remember baby showers where you used to be able to be creative in what you would purchase for a baby -- now they have registries where parent's have selected gifts to purchase -- like for a wedding registry.

I love the idea of gift giving and appreciating loved ones, but when I really started thinking of the expense of these traditions, I got a bit overwhelmed at how things have changed. Call me old fashioned, but I remember when a $20 gift was adequate.

I know I'm an old fashioned Boomer and that my priority has always been to be able to have a home that adequately houses the amount of individuals you have in your family. Then you should be able to afford the operational costs of that home. Along with a nice reliable car (or two if absolutely necessary). I even was able to own a pet or two that I could easily afford to feed along with my own family members. During my raising of family members, I thought at times our Christmas was extravagant, but certainly not to the level of the expectations of today's standards. For a duration of about 8-10 years it included a vacation spot during the holidays, but we tried to keep the costs low, because the main purpose was that we were able to spend quality time together in a place other than our own home -- just for a change.

I don't know -- just thinking about this makes me wonder if we need to have a society adjustment of priorities in order to make the holidays much simpler for everyone again. I know not everyone can do it, but I provide financial support to organizations that assist families during these times to just put a nice meal on their table or to be able to receive a toy for their child. Maybe we need to teach our kids about poverty awareness and not everyone has it as well as they do, instead of just continuing the trends of indulgence. We are the one's creating these expectations. We can also be the ones to change it.

What has happened to simplistic family values? I know for me personally, my present for any holiday is the presence of my family. I know that sounds cliche but that is the truth. I like all the decorations and the food that surround each holiday -- why can't we just be satisfied to be able to sit around a table together and just enjoy each other's company for the holidays? In my family, we have made it a point to have traditional foods that we enjoy together. I guess I'm writing this blog, because I'd just like to see things slow down a bit and get back to what it is important most of all -- and that is time spent with each other without all the frill.