Thorn In My Side

If you ever are wanting to write a blog and want to receive inspiration to a topic you have been contemplating, but were trying to find the right words to use -- go to church. For the most part in writing this blog, I have found that a lot of my inspiration sometimes comes from something that is shared through a message while going or listening to a Pastor from church. I believe I only have four or five more blogs left before I reach my maximum number of blogs that Blogger allows a person to use on their server. When I first started this blog of my testimony, I said to myself, how could I possibly write 100 blogs regarding my life? I can't believe it has already been about 100 days since I was first inspired by Pastor Greg Laurie to share my testimony. 

Along with being able to share my testimony, it has also been therapeutic for me to recall several of my life experiences to share. I'm not sure I will be able to keep going at the pace I have been for the past 90 plus days or if I'll just move forward by just journaling on a daily basis for myself. Although I can see that I'm reaching many viewers, I haven't received much feedback, so I don't know what kind of an impact I might be having on anyone's life by sharing my stories -- only God knows. When I first started the blog, I gave it to God to use for His glory and that was my main purpose and goal. To me, the number of people I reach doesn't matter, it truly was my way of being able to share with whoever needs it or is led to read it for God's purpose.

If you started with me 90 plus days ago, you have read about the traumatic experiences in my life. You have also read about the behavioral issues I've been challenged with and also my different health issues I have encountered along the way. In writing about them, you may have gotten the feeling that these events may still have an impact in my life. Most I would consider were life changing, however, I can assure you that through a lot of prayer and changes in my daily life, I consider these misfortunes part of my past. Today in my mid 60's I like reflecting on positive things and moving forward doing things for myself and those around me that have purpose and without drama. If you have had similar experiences, I'm sure you also have had the questions of why did I have to go through these experiences. What good did these bad experiences have on my life? I know because of them, I've developed strength. The "thorns in my side" although uncomfortable as I was going through it, shaped characteristics in me that made me a better person. Instead of judging a person with what they are going through, now I can feel empathy for them. I know that God has brought people into my life who have experienced similar situations -- as they were going through them, they would talk about them to me and would end with, you probably cannot relate to what I'm sharing with you -- imagine their surprise when I can share with them the fact that I can relate to their story, because I actually went through the same or similar situation. When I am able to share my experiences with others going through them, then I will think to myself -- I now see the bigger picture and why I went through the same things. God uses the thorns in our sides for His glory. He is able to bring those people He loves to restoration through a process that involves other people who have experienced the same things in their lives.

Today I attended my new church and we were reading Proverbs 31. I always felt because of my four failed relationships in marriage that I could never be considered a Proverbs 31 Virtuous Woman, because of not being able to keep my marriages together. Today, for the first time as I read this chapter of Proverbs, Holy Spirit spoke to me clearly. I've always held on to my principles having to do with Christianity. I needed to recognize that I couldn't control the error of my way by selecting not equally yoked husbands who didn't recognize me for who I was. I was mistreated and suppressed by their untruths about who I was as a person. Of course, this eventually ended in divorce with each one. However, I kept forging ahead, I was the main provider both in nurturing my children and in finances in all my relationships (with the exception of one and I have spoken of that one in a previous blog).  The reason we were able to live in lovely homes was because of the provisions I was able to earn, even when my husbands couldn't pull their weight in holding up their end of the financial responsibility. My children were raised in households where Christ was in the forefront, even if their fathers did not participate or actually take root in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Imagine teaching the gospel to your children with the "leader of the family" in opposition both in heart and example at times. This was not always easy, but I always made sure they went to church and was consistent in my gospel teachings to them.

However, I led my children in the ways that are taught in the Bible. To this day, they know what I believe. Actually, in my last marriage of 24 years, I extended being virtuous beyond what should have been extended. I can honestly see now where most of these relationships exploited me and used me for their own worldly benefits. Aside from the mistreatment, I kept forgiving and I continued to give my all to assuring my homes were not chaotic and did my best to maintain stability for my children. Understand, I know I made poor choices in the marriages as well and by all means was not perfect. But today, I saw the realization of what I had provided. I know I was not able to accomplish this on my own and realize that God through Jesus Christ was the one that gave me the supernatural strength and ability to provide provision to continue and endure. Sometimes it would be difficult to motivate myself, but that inner Proverbs 31 character was able to continue to persevere.

There was a time when my body was less than fit. Some of my ailment was due to my poor food choices and insecurity, but once I recognized that I needed to make changes in order to change the outcome, I had to do things differently than I was in order to heal my body of its inflictions. But during the time it was not, it was so hard to motivate myself to even move. For a duration of time with my weight and full body arthritis, I just wanted to die and give up. But in my weakness, God gave me strength. He would remind me that I had children and other individuals in various capacities of my life who were dependent on me moving forward. I still have full body arthritis especially when it is cold, but now -- I push through my pain -- I recognize it as a thorn in my side and I can't let my body dictate the plans that God has for my life and my purpose. Recently my companion asked me how I keep going, because he knows and sees sometimes how painful moving is for me -- I respond that I have to ignore it and not let it get the best of me -- I pray constantly and ask God to give me the strength -- once I get moving, I can look beyond the pain and focus on the goal of what plans need to be accomplished and that is how I keep going.

So my past stuff, I've learned through a lot of counseling and prayer how to keep pushing forward. Even though it occasionally might still hurt sometimes, I push it back down into my past and continue to move forward. I've seen people get stuck in their past and it isn't a productive way to live. Sometimes it can make a person very irrational and bitter. I don't want to be that person -- I want to be a reflection and a representative of the God I worship through Jesus Christ. I want people to know they are loved by me and can come to me without judgement. Also understand that I will not allow people to force their opinions on me that are contrary or falsehoods to my belief system and principles. I do not want to be around negative people who inflict hate or are offensive to others. I've gone into those areas to share the gospel, but if someone is not receptive and show complete opposition, I will walk away and shake the dust off my shoes.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-11 -- “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:7 -- "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me."

💛 NOTE: In every blog that I have written, I include scripture that pertains to the subject or subjects that I am writing about. I remember at a very young age I was told that anything that you would possibly want to learn in this life is actually found in the Bible. So my challenge in my blogs was to find a scripture having to do with the topic.