From One Extreme To Another

Sometimes all it takes is a great sermon to put thoughts in your brain. It's funny I'm reading Max Lucado's book Tame Your Thoughts -- it's a fantastic book. I'm trying to sponge up his knowledge on taming my thoughts and self talk -- which become actions and stinking thinking. So, because I'm attending another church now, I sometimes have to listen to my Harvest sermons on another day. Today was that day and Pastor Jonathan hit another ball out of the ballpark. His ministry has grown so strong. It's wonderful to see the examples of each member of the Laurie family and how they serve in their ministries. I love how Pastor Greg shares with us as each member of the family involves themselves in different areas of the ministry.

Which brings me to my primary focus of today's blog. So, we all know my upbringing. Although there were some decent time periods of my childhood, it was riddled with a lot of dysfunction. Even though I knew what happened behind the walls at our house, there was a consistent upbringing of Bible Reading and Church going as I was growing up. I grew up under a very strict household with a lot of rules -- rules that probably exceeded the norm for other children. In fact, because of this consistent exposure to religion and church, I was influenced and fell in love with Jesus at the age of 12 years old. And even in my backslidden time periods, I always believed in Jesus and attending church. I've always had a different approach to religion than my parents did. They were into the legalism of doctrine, whereas, my focus was always on relationship with Jesus. To me, He was as real as my best friends. I'd like to think of Him at a more divine level though. As I matured as a Christian, I knew that Jesus had to be the priority in life and I had to be fully reliant on him for everything.

In my marriages, compromises were made, but there was always time for church. I felt it was important that when I started having children 42 years ago, that a Christian foundation for children was essential. I've shared that my older two children attended church well into their young adulthood, but my two youngest twins were given a freedom of choice at 15 years old if they still wanted to attended church with Mom, because at this point, their father had lost interest in attending. Of course, playing video games and such on a Sunday became more alluring to them than sitting in a Sunday School Class and Sermon and they chose not to accompany me any longer. Oh when all my children were younger, they memorized scripture, professed to love Jesus and sang worships songs all the time. I even remember my youngest Agnostic son could preach -- he used to tell everyone that they were saved by the "blood" emphasis on the blood of Jesus!!

Even with my parent's substandard parenting skills, they managed to instill an amazing church and love for God foundation in all three of their children. My brother became an Assistant Youth Pastor for Calvary Chapel and later a Senior Pastor at another non-denominational church in the Northern Part of California, my sister always attended church with my parents and in her 20's she became a regular church goer  and was baptized along with her husband and now daughter and they are consistent church goers, and then myself -- who loves Jesus with all my heart and soul. As I've aged, I've gotten more disciplined in assuring that I continue to work on my relationship with Jesus. I set aside time for Bible Study and devotionals. I've become quite the reader of inspirational and resourceful books that I've bought or because I support Harvest are sent to me on a regular basis. I also am consistent with worshipping God quite often through listening to music as well as singing, playing guitar and piano. Quite a few years back, I had asked God to please use me as a vessel to bring others to Christ. I can tell you, He has provided me ample opportunity to do so -- in so many areas of service to Him.

So I have two children who identify as Catholic, but do not attend church. I have one who believes in Jesus, but needs to work through some poor examples of her grandparents hypocrisy that has given her a bitter outlook toward attending church on a regular basis. Then I have one who considers himself an Agnostic -- leaning more toward believing in God, but then again, does not attend church. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? As a parent, you just assume that your influence might provide a hope for them that they would want to follow suit in. My disappointment is obviously not. I've often thought that maybe I made life too easy and was too lenient on many matters concerning parenthood. The term growing stronger in their weaknesses comes to mind. Oh how I never wanted my children to suffer. I guess I need to remember that I'm not in control and I don't know what plans God has for their lives. I may not even be able to witness their transformations while I'm still on this revolving rock.

So here is where stinking thinking comes into my thoughts, I keep wondering because of my siblings and my own brokenness, we learned to fully rely on God and have been restored time and again. We all have understood where that restoration came from and have such an engrained belief in His existence that we could never even think of not believing in God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. It's hard for me to fathom that my children who were raised with my ideals and know who my heart belongs that they too don't have Jesus relationship engrained in them as well. I keep asking myself, what did I do different? Where did I go wrong in the upkeep of showing them a Christ based life. Even as they witnessed my shortcomings, they witnessed my restoration and I've asked for forgiveness of my transgressions in order to move forward -- they know who I give credit to for ALL my blessings in my life. Including them!!!

I've been reminded time and again, to just be secure in knowing I've done all I can (and continue to do through prayer), I've planted the seeds. Now, I need to release them to God to do His work in them. And it most likely is beyond my own understanding and I need to have faith and believe that God has it under control. There is a reason there is a saying that "Jesus Saves!!" and not "Mama Saves!" I just had a friend quote me the following scripture, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. My regret and remorse is not from God. I need to lean on God's promises that my children are a part of me and because of Jesus's love for me, He is not going to let them go. Along with their Mama, they are His chosen too!! I claim this for my grandchildren and generations thereafter.

Acts 16:31 -- "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household."

Proverbs 22:6 -- "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."