The Male Species Saga

 

When I look back at all the men who have crossed my path in my life, it can be a bit overwhelming for me. Aside from the four men I married and divorced five times, there have been quite a few male personalities who have made an impact in my life at one time or another. I often wonder to myself, who God would have picked out for me and if at one time I was married to him or rather one of the ones that was cut short due to outside circumstances could have been the one. I guess that will be one of the questions I ask Jesus when I get to heaven. In the meantime, I thought I'd write this blog for entertainment purposes only as these wonderful individuals were actually part of my story in some way. In my case, I'm so glad marriage won't be a thing in heaven. It's something I was never good at on earth.

In my single blind dating days, I remember going out on a date with a man who was 6'8". Remember I am just over 5' and I stared pretty much just above his buckle all night as we danced the night away. My girlfriend got a talking to the next day. There was another date where I was set up with a fairly nice looking ginger man, but he just kept talking about his father who had recently committed suicide and expressed that maybe one day he would do the same thing. I tried to console him. At one point there was an awkward departure where he pulled me into him and said, "Kiss me already, you fool!!"  These were probably the top two worst dates I encountered.

One of my most impactful male friends was when I attended a private school in 8th grade. He was a nice Seventh Day Adventist boy who was very handsome, with green eyes and blonde hair. He and I would always talk during our lunch break. I thought he considered himself more than a friend to me, but when a banquet came around for the boys to ask the girls to, he actually asked a girl, my best friend (who was never around when he was talking to me), from his church. I was crushed. After that, I rarely spoke to him as an interest anymore. He told me that he felt pressured to ask her due to the fact he attended her church and the parents knew each other. I told him, it didn't matter to me, but since he now dated my best friend, I would no longer be interested in having him pursue me. He tried several times to talk me out of my decision. It wasn't until about two years later that I received a phone call and you guessed it, he was on the other side of the phone. He phoned me a couple times after that and asked if we could ever just hang out with each other. Initially, I told him no that he should call my former best friend. He told me he really has always been interested in me and wanted to get to know me better. So, I conceded and he came over to my house. Of course, I had crushed on him for the good part of 8th grade and when I saw him, he was even more handsome and kinder than I remembered. This time his blonde hair was down to his shoulders and he had quite the surfer look going on. I might mention that I grew up one block from Pacific Coast Highway and lived near the beach. So for the most part of 10th grade, we dated. He either came to my house or I went to his. We carried on our relationship even when my family moved to Brawley, CA. He would travel from San Pedro to Brawley by bus to visit me. There was a time when another boy invited me to play tennis while I lived in Brawley and my Mom told me that it wasn't right for me to go play tennis with another boy while still having another boy interested in me, she told me to let my blonde friend know that I would be dating other people as well. I had tried to convince my Mom that I think I should be able to date both, since I wasn't married. She disagreed. Eventually, my family moved around until we ended up in Yucaipa. I had found out later in life, when I again was contacted by this blonde boyfriend that he had searched for me for years. He had even visited my cousins looking for me, but they told him I had moved on and was due to get married (to my second husband) at 22 years old. The reason why I know this story is because this same man contacted me again when I was 44 years old. At this time, he was married and coming to California for a high school reunion and I was also married to my fourth husband, who by this time had been unfaithful to me numerous times. It was not my intent to fall into a situation with this man, but immediately when I found out everything above and the fact that he had carried my picture in his wallet for all the years up until 2004, I fell into the trap of sexual immorality of the worst kind. I am not proud of this part of my life, but I justified it by saying I was getting even with my husband at the time. My husband and I ended up separating. The relationship between my blonde friend and me ended as well. It was just sinful and the remorse I felt afterward was not worth the risk I took. My then husband and I would reconcile and told each other our infidelity needed to cease in our relationship in order to move forward. Well one of us ceased to continue to commit the sin, but soon my husband was tempted from 2008 - 2021 to pursue another relationship outside our marriage, up until our divorce in 2022. From 2004 until our divorce I had remained faithful to him. I knew our marriage probably was doomed when after we were married for five months, he had stepped out of our marriage vows and had a habit of continuing to do so off an on throughout our 24 years of marriage.

Another relevant boyfriend of mine I met in my senior year of high school. This young man was a Christian very handsome Italian. He came from a very wealthy family. This young man is actually responsible for introducing me to Christ as I had never known Him. He took me to church with him several times to Harvest Fellowship/Calvary Chapel. He is the one who shared who he considered his Pastor and wanted me to hear him speak. It was Pastor Greg Laurie and I have followed this church for the past 48 years. This young man and I also shared the common interest of music. I sang, played guitar and piano and he played the piano much more proficiently than me. In fact, he actually showed me a style of improvised piano playing that I utilize to this day. Quite often, he and I were asked to perform at various events in our community. We won a talent show together at our high school. We also performed at the Mission Inn in Riverside together. For the most part of our senior year we dated and genuinely enjoyed our time together. My Mom observed that I was really falling in love with this young man and cautioned me that his aspirations in his life were probably much greater and different than mine. She was convinced that his wealthy father was part of the Mafia and that is how he obtained his wealth. She also thought that my boyfriend and I were getting too close. She told me that he and I were in a strange relationship, because sometimes she would find me crying about something having to do with my boyfriend and had assumed, he was not good for me. The fact of the matter was that there was a chance that he might be moving. So a month before my prom, my parents informed me that I had to break up with him. I was devastated. After I was forbidden to see him again, I met up with him at a movie theater and my Mom had my brother and his friend follow us. They pulled me away from my boyfriend and made a disturbing scene. The back story is that after my Mom broke me and my boyfriend up -- she had aspirations that I would be better off being with my brother's friend -- since he was a classmate of mine. I will admit that this young man was a tall and handsome young man, but I was truly in love with my Italian boyfriend. A couple days later, unknown to me, that boy and my brother cornered my ex-boyfriend and threatened him. I only found this out after I received a call from my ex-boyfriend and he thought I knew they had threatened him and put their hands on him. I told him no I didn't and he thought it was best that I not get in touch with him after that. So I didn't and carried a torch for him for the next couple years. I dated other guys, but it was a hurtful experience. Because of this situation, I met a man through my brother and ended up marrying him (bad choice to marry a rebound). My attitude was that I would never get to marry who I really wanted, so I would marry the first guy who came along and I did. This husband would step out of our marriage vows (I didn't blame him as I didn't really love him.) after 8 months of marriage, I separated and divorced him (my first marriage and divorce).

Anyone outside of these two relationships were simply boys or young men I dated. I had a boyfriend my junior year that was an amazing companion and we actually dated for the middle part to end of my junior year. We were in a play together and he was my prom date. He was a very good looking Puerto Rican boy. He could sing like Stevie Wonder. We also, had music in common. He made the middle part of my Junior Year a blast. I wore his class ring and he treated me like a queen. But after all the pomp and circumstance at the end of the year, he had informed me that he wanted to break up as his aspirations were bigger than the world he was currently living in. He was an aspiring actor who after his senior year would be moving to the East Coast. I was crushed, but he told me that I wasn't really in love with him, but was infatuated and my life would move on as well. Okay, and it did.

I honestly believe these male individuals served a purpose in my life, especially my Italian boyfriend who shared his church and faith experience with me -- that would in fact, be the church I recognize as my church today. Through Facebook we found each other and he had been married and divorced. They had one son together. He was in the worship band at one of the Calvary Chapels where he lived. He was still playing music as much as he could. He was an executive for a maintenance supply company. He remarried a beautiful blonde woman who like him desperately loved Jesus. They are still happily married to this day. I told him I was so happy for him to see that his life turned out beautiful. Once we touched base to catch up, we bowed out of each other's lives. I had deleted my Facebook page for a short while and just didn't add him back. There was no need. My journey continued.

Genesis 2:18 - Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

2 Corinthians 6:14 - "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers."

1 Corinthians 7:6 - "But I say to the unmarried; it is good for them if they remain even as I am." -- (Note: Paul was unmarried at the time.)