The Fear Of Not Being Good Enough

 

It's funny how my blogs are triggered. I have a belief system that Holy Spirit gives me the topic by giving me a head's up experience that causes my brain to question my thought processes and how it becomes part of my testimony. Today, I had an event which involved what I thought were the removal of Facebook posts from one of my children's feed threads. I often go to their media just to look at what is happening lately in their lives, since we no longer live close to each other anymore. Well today, I happened to go to one of my children's site and saw the latest posts had disappeared. Instead of thinking it was a glitch of some sort having to do with threads and how they are linked with other media platforms, I thought maybe I had been unfollowed or blocked. My heart sank and I immediately turned onto myself in tracing my words and wondered if I had offended or said something I shouldn't have. Because I have a very close and open relationship with my children, I immediately texted to inquire about what I discovered. Of course, he explained and put my heart at ease. One of my greatest fears is disappointing my children and not being good enough. My greatest fear would be to disappoint God.

If you are reading my blogs, you know I have struggled with self confidence during my lifetime. Although, I can be very outgoing and friendly, there are times where I can also be reserved and less self assured as to how my presence will be received. My inner thoughts question whether I'm good enough or if I will be accepted into a not familiar situation which involves people I don't know yet. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my inability to read people due to my spectrum thing. I would say that sometimes my discernment and socialization skills waiver, then the doubt sets in. One of my traits that I have and wished I could change about myself is that I'm too sensitive.

I'm sure as you are reading, you probably have thought at some time or another that you were not good enough. But, the Bible says contrary to that -- in Ephesians 2:10 it states that "We are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works." Psalm 139:14 "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Deuteronomy 7:6 "The Lord your God has chosen you . . . as a people for his treasured possession."

I remember when there was an exchange of my immediate bosses in my career. My new boss had shared with me that prior to my old boss resigning, he asked my former boss how it was working with me. My former boss had shared that I was a loyal, highly skilled professional and hardworking woman. He told him that I would become his right hand and would come to his defense and be his protector (the go between) as needed. He also shared with him that he just had to love me for who I was -- that is all I required -- that I would remain loyal to him through me being able to trust him and him accepting me with my quirks. And that began an amazing friendship between a new boss and his new employee. We worked together for the last 12 years of my career with a school district. First he was my immediate supervisor and then he became the Superintendent. There were some political issues that ensued during my tenure with him which could have affected my position, but he assured me that as long as he remained the Superintendent that I would always be employed. He invited me into his personal family circle life and my family and his shared many memorable times together. I am happy to say that I retired under his leadership. We remained close friends for years after for a total of 22 years and then Jesus called him home, much too early. Even just writing this, my eyes are welling up -- I miss him dearly, but look forward to our reunion in heaven again. My boss, Vince was a person who had the ability to remind me that I was enough. He would give me such high level challenges, because he knew I would come through for him. I have shared about my mentors that God had put in my life, Vince was one of my greatest. He loved the Lord and we prayed often together as coworkers and as friends for our families. My greatest honor was his calling me before Jesus took him home and he asked me to just pray for him and so I did. We prayed together for one last time. I know because of his service to the world. his selfless love for humanity and his belief in Jesus Christ that when he closed his eyes here on earth, he immediately woke up in heaven.

2 Corinthians 12:8 - "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

2 Timothy 1:7 - "For the Spirit God has given us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."

Hebrews 13:6 - "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?"

Isaiah 32:17 - "The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever."

Jeremiah 17:7 - "But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him."