Feeling Uneasy

 

Most of my blogs are on reflection of my past as part of my testimony. However today, I wanted to write about two things I did today that brought this feeling uneasy topic to light for me. First is my uneasiness with getting a Covid Vaccine and second, playing with Artificial Intelligence.

In 2019, when we first heard about Covid. I was in the hospital keeping my ex-husband company as he had a near death experience with sepsis. When the news first came on that people were needing to isolate themselves and that they were thinking of shutting businesses and having people isolate in order to get a grip on this pandemic, I thought I was watching an episode or movie of some kind on TV. But no, it was on channel 7 news. Then I started to see how people were buying up food, water, paper towels and toilet paper. They hoarded toilet paper!! That was unreal to me. Why? So after a few days of this news, an RN came in to notify me that I could no longer be near my dying husband and I would have to go home as the hospital was requiring no visitations of patients because of the pandemic. I was beside myself at having to leave him and no longer being able to advocate on his behalf regarding his medical treatment. So, that afternoon, I gathered up my accumulation of stuff and left the hospital. I had contacted my boys and asked them what we needed as I was on my way home and I would be stopping by the market to pick up some items we needed for dinner etc. 

Their first request was toilet paper, if I could find some. The only thing I was able to to find were some napkins and tissues. The paper towels and toilet paper were already gone off the shelves. In fact, most of the shelves were empty. I was in disbelief at what I was witnessing. Upon driving home, I stopped at two other places and still no toilet paper. I might mention, one of my boys was having a digestive issue and was in desperate need of paper product. So I did what any Christian woman would do -- I cried in the parking lot of Target.  I ended up contacting several of my Christian girlfriends and asked if they had any toilet paper to spare. I became part of a toilet paper request chain and one of our members came through as she had just bought several rolls of industrial sized rolls and could bring me a couple. I offered to pay for them, but she said no. She told me she was glad to help me out. So, the Covid saga continued. Then came the offerings of Covid Vaccines. Talk about uneasy?!?!? They hadn't even been approved by CDC, but they were going to start administering them. My husband was already not home for 74 days through the first part of Covid and I worried I would get sick and my twin boys would not have anyone to take care of them. So I did what any mother would do, I went and got my first vaccine -- and boy did I get sick from it. So any offerings of additional vaccines and boosters made me very uneasy. With each dose I took, I always said a prayer before they vaccinated me. Even with taking the vaccine and boosters, two years ago I contracted Covid and boy did I get sick. By the third day, my saturation of oxygen had dropped very low and I was telling my companion to please take care of my kids. Then his brother called and told me about Paxlovid, so I took it. Felt 50% better by day three, after several days, retook the test and I was clear of Covid. Then two days later, I started symptoms and retook the test, positive again. I had Paxlovid rebound for 11 more days, but definitely not as bad as when I first got sick. One of my worst illnesses in my life. So needless to say, as uneasy as taking a vaccine is, the alternative isn't appealing at all. So today, I walked into CVS, said my prayers and took my vaccine with the new variant additive. Needless to say, it made me very uneasy, but I put my results in God's hands -- so not as scary as earlier vaccines or covid.

Another area I touched on today was Artificial Intelligence. Recently my son visited me and was telling me about all this new technology available inclusive of artificial intelligence applications. He also told me what I needed to do to upgrade my phone, AirPods and Apple Watch to really take advantage of the new technology out there. As he was telling and showing me some of the stuff that can be done with AI, it made me very uneasy. Like when I first had to learn how to use the Superhighway aka Internet!!! So, for the past week, I've been playing with Chatgpt and now I am hooked. I'm not great at refining it yet though. So today, a lady posted a picture of pacifiers and asked if anyone could use AI to show a fairy taking the pacifiers and leaving a coin in their place. She had told her granddaughter that is what would be happening to her pacifiers when she took them from her the other day. So I saw some of the contributions people were using. A couple actually made videos which were impressive. But I wanted to take a stab at trying to created something. This is the result as follows:

After doing this image, I couldn't find the original post, so I wasn't able to share mine with her. Then I got this brilliant idea and after my daughter showed me a couple of portraits she had done of her daughter and herself at the same age, that I would try and recreate a picture of my late brother, little sister and myself. The AI output was pretty impressive, but didn't look like us completely -- just slightly resembled. But I'm learning and actually getting hooked on trying to manipulate AI to create things I want to create. So my daughter had me send her the three pictures I used to ask Chatgpt to manipulate and she would use her AI tools to create a portrait for me. Understand, my siblings and I were never able to get together in order to have a professional portrait done of us together. Then in 2015, my brother went home to Jesus and the portrait would never happen. Until today, my daughter sent me the perfect portrait of us three together in one picture and touched my soul.

I absolutely love this picture -- I imagine my brother looking like this again in heaven (probably better) as this picture was one of his younger days from a candid picture I had of him at that time. My daughter was able to create this picture with our little sister in between us. She is actually 20 and 22 years younger than us. I was so glad that she was born under a tamer set of parents than we were. However, she had her turn at some of the dysfunction as well. My little sister was very close to my brother, much closer than I was to him. She and I have developed a very close bond as well with each other. She is such a beautiful Christian woman inside as she is outside. I actually placed an order to have this picture along with another one of she and I enlarged to 25 x 25 inch so that I can hang it in my home. And to think that I was uneasy to learn artificial intelligence. I think there are many people out there who are just discovering what can be done with it. This picture will be a reminder that one day, we will be reunited once again after this life is over.

Isaiah 41:10 -- "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". This verse reminds believers that God is present to provide strength and help in unfamiliar situations. (Ai Generated)