Bearing False Witness

 

Exodus 20:16 Thou Shall Not Bear False Witness (9th Commandment)

Note: This is a long blog.

Have you ever had the experience of someone bearing false witness against you? It isn't a very comfortable situation when the person who is bearing the false information is believed. Surprisingly it doesn't matter if what is being said about you is far outside of everything you believe in and stretching beyond the limits of your integrity. I can attest and will through this blog share that I have been in situations where false witness was made against me.

As far back as elementary school, I was bullied and not because of how I acted (although might be deemed odd), but because there were judgements made about me by other students that poisoned the minds of other students who were in the process of making friends and getting to know one another. There may have been some truths about how I came from a broken home, but then other stories would be intertwined that were not true to then me becoming the leper of the playground. I eventually made a few friends when someone would actually take the time to get to know me.

In previous blogs I've shared about the emotional and physical abuse that was inflicted on me up until I was thirteen years old. In the later years of my life with my brother, we had a tolerable relationship. Let's just say, I knew he had changed his ways and became a Man of God, but we were never really close. I believe a lot of that comes from a mother who enjoyed pitting her children against each other. Whatever it was, we were never really close. When my brother and I were growing up, in the wee early years of our lives, he was my protector and best friend. Then around nine years old the dynamics of that relationship changed. I can empathize with my brother that it always seemed that he was always being punished for something. His discipline sometimes was much more severe than mine. The hardest part for me was that I was a pleaser. I did not ever want to come to a place where my parents needed to discipline me. So I was the straight A occasional B student. I obeyed my parents. Well, as my brother was quite often being disciplined, my parents would interject, why can't you be like your sister and just do what you are told. Well eventually, that put a wedge between my brother and I. So in retaliation, my brother would make up stuff pertaining to me to my parents. We would be walking home and he would tell me what lie he would be telling my parents so that I would get in trouble. Then he would run ahead of me and by the time I caught up, the damage was done. I would try and explain that he was lying to them, but for some reason unbeknownst to me, they would take his word over mine. The things he would mostly bear false witness to was that I was patronizing with boys or other minor things that would invoke discipline on me. After the punishment would be inflicted on me, I would come out of the room, still pleading my innocence and my brother would look at me and put his hand next to his face to block my parents seeing him laugh that I had gotten in trouble. It progressively got worse through my preteens and teens. Although the discipline stopped at thirteen, my brother knew how to push my buttons and push them he did. He did this up until I was 17 years old and then one day, I snapped -- I snapped hard. I explained to my parents how unjustly I had been treated for years due to lies and how they just believed them and caused me harm as a result. I told them what I thought of their son with many explicit words. There were times of calm during this time when my brother and I were able to enjoy singing music together and get along. But the false witness times were intolerable.  My blessing of my brother is that he gave me the most awesome extended family through my nephews. They are both grown and have families of their own and who have pulled me in and love me as I love them.

Another time where false witness was aimed toward me was in my career. There was a situation where some large amounts of money went missing in our food service department. An investigation was conducted and it was found out who had stolen that money, but because said person was of special interest to my boss, he conjured up a plan I would later find out the truths. One day he had called in all the interested parties into his office. I continued to mind my own business and perform the assignments I had at my desk. As people were leaving, they would sneer at me as they walked past my desk. It felt strange to me, because these were people I usually had joyful conversations with. Then my boss asked me to come into his office. He told me that he was supposed to be yelling at me. I asked him why. He told me it isn't important, but after we are done, just walk out and look upset. What? I walked out and just remained quiet. Soon the director came back into his office. She was still sneering at me. For months, it may have been even years, after I was treated oddly by food service staff. It wasn't until I became a negotiator with our classified union that I developed a friendship with the President. We were talking about a subject and it sparked a response from her that shocked me. She had mentioned to me that I should know personally how to get away with stealing from the district. I told her excuse me. She said that she knew from her boss that at one time I had stolen money and a computer from the food service department. I told her, I had never stolen from anyone and surely wouldn't jeopardize my job by stealing from a district. Then it all came back to me, my boss had accused me of the theft rather than his mistress. By this time, said boss had left the district. After the conversation, she apologized to me for thinking that I had stolen from the district for so long. I might add that within a week, this sweet lovely lady passed away. God had used her to show me what had happened behind the scenes and that the way I was being treated was the result of a false witness that had been made against me.

Because I was in a very lucrative position within the district, it was quite often in my position due to politics of the district, it was focussed on. I had already been serving in my capacity for a number of years and my boss approached me one day and said that there were some members of the board who were stating that some stipulations may not have been met by me in order to remain in my position. I said, "Oh really?" and what would those stipulations be. He informed me that originally when the position was awarded to me (I was really pushed into the position by the Superintendent at that time) that I was going to school to attain my bachelor's degree. I said yes that I was going to school to pursue that, but had fallen ill at the time and I was required to have surgery and missed too many days to continue and had to drop out of the program. The Superintendent then informed me that two board members had mentioned that as part of my job assignment, I was required to complete the bachelor's program. I informed him that the previous Superintendent who put me in the position said that it would be a good idea for me to get my bachelor's degree so in the future if another Superintendent came in who might change the requirements of my position, which could include a bachelor's degree, I would already have it. But I was never required to have it as part of my job. I said is there a problem with how I've been performing my job that they would question my qualifications or other reasons. He said no, that as long as he was Superintendent my job would be secure and I was until the day I retired. Again, a case of bearing false witness against me in the hopes that I would be demoted and relinquish my position. However, I knew that I had some leadership that were politically driven by ambitious people who wanted me replaced and I'll share why in the next paragraph.

There was a situation in my district which may have resulted in several employees in our district to be named in a lawsuit against a former employee. Because I was directly involved as a witness in the scandalous event, I was again asked by the current leadership if I could provide the names of individuals (district employees) whose names might come up. Because I knew the backgrounds of the politics of the district, however not the details nor did I care to know the details as to how each person was promoted within the district, or their involvement with a former employee, I knew the names who were allegedly involved. In what capacity, I could not tell you with each one, but I was able to present a list of names that could be brought up in the process of this case. I provided leadership as to why their names might be brought into the case and where I received the information from. Unfortunately, there were some confidentiality issues within the district and individuals whose names were mentioned found out. I was frantic and met with the current leadership who had asked me to reveal the names and asked them how this information did not remain confidential. Needless to say, there was all kinds of misinformation being said about me in the district. Eventually, the leadership involved in disclosing the confidential information, resolved the matter within themselves. I will tell you that it did affect me to the point of causing me distraction to my job, even though I was protected, it was one of the reasons for me retiring early. The politics were exhausting and mostly had nothing to do with me. I was there to do my job and nothing else.

One of the most hurtful bearing of false witness against me occurred while I was divorcing my third husband. It was during a time when I was still a confidential employee of the district and not yet in management. My children attended school within the district. During this time, my ex-husband who was bi-polar and schizophrenic and had not yet lost custody of my daughter due to his concealment of dishonesty with the court system still had visitation rights with my daughter. One weekend while she was in his custody, he had told her (she was in first grade) to tell her teacher that she felt she was in danger when she was at my home. He had told her to tell her teacher that her Mama had men coming into her house all the time and they were setting guns on the table. It is unfortunate at the time that he had such control over my daughter, but tell her teacher she did. The teacher informed her principal, (as mandated reporters) the principal informed the Superintendent who was my direct boss. I was called into the Superintendent's Office and sat before my accusers. I was in shock as to what was being said about me, but understood their concerns -- I was concerned hearing it. I looked at all three and told them, you all have known me for many, many years and I understand that this came from my own child's mouth, but please you have to understand the situation I'm up against. I told them my husband's background. I also asked them to please evaluate me on the level of my professionalism and integrity I possessed that they knew me as -- most importantly of my moral conviction to God. I also informed  them at the end of the conversation, that all three of them would owe me an apology at the end of the process. I also told them how disappointed I was that they would believe such a horrible accusation toward me. Through investigation and further questioning of my daughter, she admitted that her Daddy had told her to say these bad things about her Mama to her teacher.  Needless to say, it wasn't until three years later going through the court system that I finally received full custody of my daughter.

In 1997, right before the finalization of my divorce above, my parents came to my house. Remember these are the parents who tried to emotionally control me through my early 60's. They walked into my home and they said that they had heard through a family member from my neighbor across the street that I was having all kinds of gentlemen callers throughout the day and night at my house. It was during this time that I had joint custody of both my children with their respective fathers (something I'm not proud of) who would take and drop off my children. I also had a best friend who lived around the corner from me and quite often she would be visiting and she had teen boys who had friends. My house was a busy house. I will admit that there were a couple times where I dated a couple men (when my children were not home), but certainly not to the extreme of which I was being accused. As I was defending myself against my parents accusations, I reminded them that first of all, I will be meeting personally with my neighbors to clarify said accusation, but to also remember that they may be my parents, but I am 37 years old and don't need my parents trying to control what I can or cannot do in my own house. The conversation escalated and I was accused of being a whore -- their words not mine. Then the explicits flew. I reminded them that if they had questions about how I live my life that does not meet up to their standards that they should look within themselves, because they are the ones who raised me. The next thing I know, my Mom is on top of me hitting me (I should have called the police at that point.). I told my Dad that if he did not remove his wife off of me that, she would be thrown across the room by me. He just stood there enjoying what he was watching and then I threw her off me. She then grabbed my hands and pulled back my nails, which were acrylic, back off of my hands breaking them down to my nail beds and causing my hands extreme pain and blood pouring out of my hands. I tried to break away from her grip and I'm sure hurt her as well, but was able to free myself. I told them both that they needed to get the (explicit) out of my house and that I would be calling the police. They gathered their things. They went and got my sister from the neighbor's home and left. After they left, I went to said neighbors house and approached them as to the alleged accusations they made about me to my family member. They informed me that they thought I was a wonderful neighbor who kept to herself and they saw what a wonderful Mom I was to my children. They said that they had never said anything derogatory about me to anyone. Again, my false witnesses were my own parents, which was not a surprise to me.

I share these things to show how destructive bearing false witness can be. I'm not proud of how I defended myself at times, but it was in desperation to try and convince my accusers otherwise. I often wonder why I had to experience these situations. Again, for the most part of my life, I have always gone to church. I've always prayed. Even while going through these trials, I prayed. Did Jesus see me through? Yes He did. The truth is that the enemy will attacked you when you are weakest, but I also believe that in my weakness I am made stronger through Jesus Christ.