Will It Go Round In Circles

Remember that song Will It Go Round In Circles? By Billy Preston and I'm So Dizzy By Tommy Roe? Today I almost skipped writing a blog, because I had a really rough day. A day where by the end of it, my head was just spinning. I realized I hadn't consumed my proper nutrients and it was starting to show in my personality. I also had realized that I had been going since 7:30AM this morning without sitting down and taking a rest. That is not a good way to live a day. So the love of my life suggested that I make my busily overwhelming day that was happening in my head today my topic of conversation. I told him, great idea!!

I remember as a child at around 7 or 8 years old, my parents used their tax return to treat our family and an  Aunt and cousins to a day at Disneyland. This was in 1967 or 1968, when all the rides they have now were very different back then and you needed alphabetic tickets that pertained to the ride you could ride. It was much more affordable at this time. Halfway through my day, I started experiencing a level of delirium. I was dizzy, I couldn't think straight and I was overwhelmed. Remember, I hadn't been diagnosed with Autism yet, but I can assure you that the stimulation Disneyland can produce in the average child was way too much for me. I ended up melting down right there in the middle of Disneyland, I'm sure my Mom swatted me for misbehaving and acting up. I remember there was some bench time to calm me down, which as I remember, I didn't mind at all. I had enough of the Disneyland experience at that point. After that I was able to enjoy the calmer activities Disney had to offer. Now a days, just show me a bench and get me a big cold pickle to eat from Main Street.

I know I am not alone when the woes of this world just get overwhelming. We get too much information all at once and nothing makes sense. Especially during a traumatic event or when you might see red. I've had both experiences and your mind just loses its ability to comprehend rationally. I've destroyed tangible items when I have seen red and every single time have regretted by irrational behavior. My dearly departed brother could really push my buttons. I remember punching his guitar and breaking the wooden pieces inside of it. I remember a time, he pushed one button too many with me and I tore apart my parents living room and everything in its path. That was regrettable, especially when my parents wondered why a lamp was leaning and was broken on the base.The only good part of that event was I was finally able to express how provoking my brother could be and there were some familial modifications for awhile.

In my career, I remember when I had to prioritize my tasks and sometimes those priorities had to be prioritized. Thank goodness I had the boss I had because there were a couple times when I knew what my agenda was for the day at work and it would just play over in my head until I became overwhelmed. The next thing I knew I was on a freeway toward San Diego, where at its end there is Seaport Village where I could sit and drink a Mocha Latte for the day. That happened two times that I knew of and my boss loved me enough to call it a mental health day. Another time, I had a different boss, who was much more demanding. He was riding me all day as a single Mom and threatened my job. So I got up from my desk, put my purse on my shoulder, looked at him, held up a finger and gave him the definition of that finger and walked out. That one was painful, as I was a single mother and figured I had just dissolved my employment. However, that boss called me at home and told me he had eaten chillies that morning and apologized for his behavior and told me to take the rest of the day off and that he would see me the following morning. Again, another head spinning, seeing red moment. It's not something that I'm proud of, but it takes a whole lot to get me to that level and I had reached it. Sometimes my flesh wins. Of course, I apologized for my unprofessionalism with both circumstances. I'm glad these two bosses saw more good in me than the bad times.

During these times, believe me, I was prayerful. However, the days of spinning and seeing red, I obviously was not spending as much time in devotion and prayer, but relying on my own self. Big mistake. Instead of asking God to help me and direct me through my day, I was just moving forward just to get through the day, so I could start all over again.

Another time when I've gotten dizzy and brain fogged is when my health is jeopardized and I've neglected to recognize I needed to take care of myself both physically and mentally. I have the tendency to put others needs before my own and don't leave time for self care. It's important to find balance and not on your own, but through prayer. I also took advantage of my medical resources both with my medical needs and getting counseling to work out some of the frustrations I was experiencing and get myself back on track. I also feel much better when I incorporate some form of exercise into my weekly routine. Even as a retiree. Of course, church was a huge part of my sanity. I could always tell when I skipped church, because I struggled during the week. Now if I can't get to church, I watch it online. I need to be spiritually fed.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 (NKJV) I lean on this verse quite frequently.