Masks

When I hear the word masks these days, I automatically think of the medical masks we own in our home due to the Covid-19 epidemic. There was a time when the word mask represented beautiful ornate eye covers that are used as part of elaborate costumes for masquerade parties. Then of course, there are those hideous plastic masks from the 1960's that transformed us as children into a character for the purpose of collecting candy on Halloween. My personal preference is the eye masks, because then you keep your nose clear to breathe. I feel claustrophobic wearing any mask that covers my nose. That includes the masks that were worn during the heights of Covid. Unfortunately, because I have a compromised immune system, if someone has a cold or is coughing around me, I will pull a mask out of my purse to protect my health. Even with all the vaccines and boosters, I managed to catch Covid once and that was no walk in the park. I was miserable. I can empathize with anyone who has had to endure the illness.

In my life, as I have shared, I've had some pretty traumatic experiences and suffered my fair share due to those traumas. As part of my healing process, I retained professional counseling in an effort to understand some of my skewed decision processes and sort out some unresolved feelings. In one of those sessions, I remember my counselor having me recall some of my trauma so they could have an idea as to how to counsel me and to have a better understanding of me. So I proceeded to tell them my story. They held up their hand and asked me to take off my mask. I wasn't wearing a mask. They told me that as I was speaking of the most dreadful traumas in my life, I was telling the story with a smile on my face and being very high energy and animated. They told me to stop and reflect on what I was telling them and to let them see the pain and emotion behind the trauma I was talking about. What were the feelings felt when I was actually going through the trauma and how do I feel about that trauma today? I pulled the mask off and after an hour of sharing and feeling the emotion of the traumatic stories I told, I had the biggest headache and my eyes were practically swollen shut. They explained to me that I had to quit putting on masks. Some people might call this behavior as putting up walls. They said I had to feel the trauma and stop burying it in order to begin healing from it. 

Because of this past counseling session, I'm very mindful to this day of when I feel any emotion both good and bad to remind myself what does my body language say to the person witnessing to whom I am speaking. Am I hiding behind a mask? Sometimes when someone has really hurt me, instead of sucking it up, I'll let them see how they made me feel by their negative action and express my hurt through tears and expressing the reasons for the tears.  People have also expressed to me that my emotions are written all over my face. In my mind, I say good my taking down of masks is working. I will admit sometimes when deemed appropriate, I can hold my mask up until the appropriate time for allowing my feelings to be expressed.

Getting back to my counseling session, at some point I let the counselor know that much of the trauma I experienced when I was younger was dealt with by me giving it to God in prayer. I had really believed that God had given me the strength to talk about it without being overly emotional. They reiterated that my belief system is part of my coping and survival skills to keep trying to live with the trauma without actually resolving it and thus, kept repeating some of my questionable lack of judgment choices. I needed to understand how my trauma had impacted my decision making. 

I will admit that although I did tangibly pay for professional counseling to work stuff out, I still believe that my healing was the direct result of my Wonderful Counselor and Healer in heaven. Because I believe in divine intervention and direction, God puts the right people in my life in order to have a better understanding of myself and to learn healthy coping skills. I believe His intervention and use of professionals in this life are used both in mental and physical healing. I also believe in divine miracles, where there is no medical reasoning for healing of illnesses and such.  I have witnessed some of those directly and indirectly in my life.

Jeremiah 30:17: For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the Lord.

Psalm 30:1-4 -- “Lord, I will exalt you and lift you high, for you have lifted me up on high! Over all my boasting, gloating enemies, you made me to triumph. O Lord, my healing God, I cried out for a miracle and you healed me! You brought me back from the brink of death, from the depths below.'

Luke 12:1-3 -- "You can’t hide behind a religious mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known." (The Message)  -- My note: In relation to masks whether religious or emotional.