Love, Love, Love

My first recollection of my first pitter-patter of my heart happened when I was in second grade. There was a cute boy with blue eyes and blonde hair named Curtis. He used to always stare at me and smile. I'd shyly smile back. In second grade our teacher Ms. Whistler used to select students to help her with tasks. As the lucky student to help for the day, by the end of the day I had to choose the next person to perform as teacher's helper for the following day. Ms. Whistler would have us look around the room and select someone. I remember Curtis sitting straight up and doing a heart on his chest to me and of course, his charm captivated me to select him. I remember I had a little crush on him for a little while -- as far as little girl crushes go. As I got older in sixth grade, I had a really strong crush on a boy named Dennis. He liked me too. In fact, sixth grade was the year that boys would select their "girlfriends" to hang out with at recess and during student activities in the classroom. I remember one of our projects was to build a wooden car. Dennis helped me sand and make mine. At this point, I was still a very well liked little girl because I had long hair and was pretty (I didn't know it at the time, but pictures are proof.) Dennis was the most popular boy in the class. But if you will recall, sixth grade was my year to be taken down in humility when I caught lice from another student in my class, but I was plagued as the person who spread them. The bullying followed me through 7th and again in 9th at which time I had to put the bully in her place. and finally put an end to the bullying.

In eight grade, I went to a private school. I can recall having two boyfriends at that grade level -- Karl and David. On a side note, a group of us kids went under a building at recess and decided to play spin the bottle and that is where I experienced my first kiss from a boy, who wasn't even my boyfriend! At that school they had an end of year banquet and I thought for sure I would be asked by David to be his date as he ate lunch with me everyday and would hang out with me in class. But, surprisingly, he asked my best friend Cindy who happened to attend the same SDA church as him. I attended another SDA church. I still attended the banquet without a date and when I walked into the room at the banquet, my classmates were surprised at how lovely my Mom had made me look for the event. David had apologized for not asking me. After the banquet, David tried to be my love interest again. I told him I would never date him as my best friend dated him now and I don't betray friends. However, in tenth grade, he would look me up again and at that point time had passed and we became boyfriend and girlfriend. At least up until we moved at the end of the year.

After that initial spin the bottle dare kiss, I no longer was afraid to kiss boys. Not that I made it a habit. I really had to like or love the boy to kiss him and they were pretty much pecks at that point. Oh the innocence of young love. My mode of affection were hugs and holding hands. Unfortunately, my sweet and innocent days took a turn in my upper high school years. Remember there came a point where the devil got a hold of me and shame took over. I figured I was damaged goods already from my childhood and preteen years of abuse. From that mindset forward, as you may have read already, when it came to relationships, even through marriage and adulthood, I struggled immensely.

Then when I became a mother, oh my goodness, I never thought I could ever love anyone or anything more. As soon as I saw my first born son -- I simply adored him. My Mama heart cup was and still is overflowing with love for and from all four of the blessings I was given to watch over by God. Then as you get much older, the blessing of grandchildren -- now my heart with my grandchildren is like the Grinch's when his heart grew with love. My grandchildren are my loves. They know when I'm around, they are spoiled with love and endless gifts of whatever they want. There is no budget when it comes to the grandchildren. With these additional members of my family though, my prayers are always heading up to heaven.

It's funny how time can change how your heart feels when it comes to those you demonstrate love to and relinquish your trust and loyalty.  For instance, my first big huge love was my Mom. I felt that she had my best interest in life as a priority and that she loved me more than anything and would do anything to protect me. I learned a different story when I turned 13. I learned into adulthood as I raised my children, how dysfunctional my upbringing was. Without going into great detail as to why, the love and trust that I had in my parents was damaged. I can say the same thing for the spousal hurts. There is a phrase -- love hurts. It's not supposed to, but sometimes circumstances can cause hearts to be broken.

The Bible is very clear as to what Love is:  1 Corinthians 13:4 -- "Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude."

There is a biblical love that rises above all others. It is called Agape Love -- an unconditional love. My late brother was a very talented musician and lyricist. When he was just 15 years old he wrote the following song:

Agape Love -- By: Michael Blaine

One day the Lord called upon Noah.

He said, I'd like you to build me an ark.

So Noah got together with his sons and his wife and said, Lord do what you want with my life.

He did it out of love for God, called Agape love.

Agape love an unselfish kind of love.

The kind that we should have for each other.

Later on the Lord called upon Abraham.

He said Abraham sacrifice me your son.

So Abraham took Isaac to the mountain and laid him on the altar, but God said stop.

He did it out of love for God, called Agape love.

Agape love an unselfish kind of love.

The kind that we should have for each other.

So people remember, when the Lord calls on you, He gave his son to die on the cross.

He did it out of love for you called Agape love.

Agape love an unselfish kind of love.

The kind that we should have for each other.

The kind that we should have for each other.

My brother and I would quite often sing this song together. We also used to sing it with our church youth choir named the Agape Group. We used to sing it to our church and to residents in a senior living facility. I guess you could say it was our signature duet.

The best definition of love is God. His love is unconditional and I know how much he loves me because of what he has done for me throughout my life and continues to express that love up to today. I know I can always rely on his love and trust it. He has never failed me.