Choices

Everyday as I wake up, I pray and do devotion. That's how I choose to end my day as well. It hasn't always been that way, but it has been for a long time. As I begin my day, now that I'm doing my testimonial blog, I pray for the Holy Spirit to give me a topic for someone who might need to read what I'm going to write for the day. Needless to say, my head comes up with all kinds of topics to share. Today, I feel compelled to put a couple sensitive topics in the forefront of my blog, just so you have a better understanding of the type of person I am.

Choices and free will go hand in hand doesn't it? Some of the choices we have made in this life are excellent ones and some are just horrible ones.

One day when my brother and I were out exploring our neighborhood in Lomita, CA, we had ventured down Pacific Coast Highway from Pennsylvania Avenue to Walnut Avenue (where I can recall is where my future middle school was located). While we were on Walnut Avenue, a young man in his 20's approached me and my brother to help him find his lost puppy. You know where this story is going. So he told my brother which way to go and he would keep charge of me and head in another direction. I begged my brother not to leave me with this stranger. Guess what he did? He left me with a complete stranger. I was terrified. So this young man walks with me and takes my hand and starts calling out some dog's name. Looking in bushes and yards. We ended up far from my brother, because I called for him and he never answered. This young man and I ended up a block from PCH in a construction site. In that construction site was a porta potty. This man grabbed my hand and pulled me into the porta potty and shut the door. It was dark and I was terrified. Remember at 4 years old I was molested and I figured out what was about to happen to me. So I made a choice, I could either submit and live or I could scream like I had just met the devil, which I believe I just had. I screamed, kicked out of control and was slamming my body against the walls of that porta potty and making a horrible sound. I could only imagine the terror of my 9 or 10 year old screams. I bit and did everything I could to get him to get his hands off that door. After I bit aimlessly into him I got free and opened the door and ran out. He chased me and grabbed my arm, I was able to break free again. This time he stood in front of me and he said Cindy, come over here. I looked to where he was pointing and there was rebar (I found out years later the official name of those rusty sticks) sticking straight up from a huge square concrete building under construction. I could see the devil's face full of evil and knew he wanted to push me onto those spikes. I screamed as loud as I could and ran and guess who I bumped into? My stupid brother. He saw I was hysterical and in tears and asked me what happened. When we both looked up, the young man was gone. Oh but my wise older brother wanted his money for helping look for a lost dog. The young man had told us where he lived by pointing to his house. So my brother towed me along and knocked on that door looking for this guy. Can you imagine? I'm there with my heart in my neck and he just wants his money. The lady took one look at me, so I told her what happened. She got very concerned and asked if she could call someone for us. My brother told her no that my parents weren't home and that we would just walk home. She told us if we saw that man again, to run back to her house. So as we were walking ,my brother threatened me that I should not tell my parents what happened as we would both get in trouble. So it wasn't until years later I told my story to them. BAD CHOICE. I have to mention that because I believed in God at this time and the power of prayer, I prayed so hard in that porta potty that God would spare me the consequences of that event. PRAYER ANSWERED.

As a young newly divorced woman, I had met who would become husband #3. In my utopia of infatuation with this guy, I had allowed myself to become intimate with him. Not knowing he was psychotic, my method of birth control was ineffective, because he told me after I found out I was pregnant that he had poked holes in the condoms we were using. ANOTHER BAD CHOICE. So, I was disowned by my family and his family loved me to pieces, but as any good Christian Family would advise me, it would be my choice whether I wanted to abort or keep the baby. Although I leave choices to other people when faced with a similar circumstance,  because I don't know their circumstances in their lives, for myself -- I was always pro-life and told his family I could never abort the small baby growing inside me, who had no choice in the matter and deny it a life. It was made and had a purpose. The circumstances weren't great, but whether with him or without him, I would raise my child. I would eventually gain sole custody of my child, but because of my choice, there was a period of heartache for them. That is one of my regrets. I had already hurt a small child by choosing to divorce husband #2. I never wanted to hurt my children in any way, but sin is horrible and hurts everyone involved and those innocent people are the casualties of such decisions. I'm so glad that as adults, my children have shown me forgiveness and mercy.

So I may or may not have sexually alternative children. I do. So how does one react when you first find out? Initially, all my religious doctrine came to the forefront of my mind. I fell to my knees. I cried. I've always had gay friends. I don't discount people who are gay and actually embrace them because I love how eccentric they can be. I've found that the gay community has a very unconditional love as most have been rejected by members of their families. In first finding out one of my children was gay, there may or may not be more than one, I read a lot and did a lot of research. I prayed a lot. I became the president of PFLAG for two years in a big city. My answer to this has always been, my job as a human being and Christian mother is to just love people for who they are. My child is a bright spot in my life. So my choice in this life, is to love and accept them for who they are. They are married and I LOVE my son in love!!! I refuse to reject people for being sexually alternative. I have to tell you, I have met quite a few heterosexuals who are much more horrible in their sexuality than the gay people I know. There is one thing that really chaps my hyde is when someone tells me, well you know your child chose to be gay. Really, you think my child chose to be discriminated against, spit on and told they were an abomination to this world and needs to change? Individually, we all make a choice when it comes to our sexuality. I've met immorally corrupt in both capacities. Let God be their judge. I choose love.

Deuteronomy 30:19 "While God presents the choices, the decision is left to the individual, demonstrating free will."